Judge Comment:
Hey! Thanks for your participation in the Writer's Jam! You have some interesting concepts here, and I definitely appreciate the unique formatting approach you took. It lends well to your word choice and sentence structure!
In competitions like this that rely on stories sticking close to the chosen prompt, be careful to not go too far from the prompt! As artyrian mentioned, by the end, it was unclear which prompt you were inspired by. Also, as a small note, we only saw this piece because I manually visited every entrants Newgrounds page throughout the submission period, please make sure your tags are typo-free in the future, if you're looking to participate again (the tag should be "writers-jam-1" but you put "writer," which means we wouldn't have been able to find your piece if we didn't look through everyone's account individually).
Also make sure to be careful of confusing wording and/or grammar mistakes that can lead to your piece becoming difficult to follow! This wasn't a huge issue, but there were moments in which I felt a bit lost in your piece, or at the very least had to go back and reread a few sentences to absorb your piece. Overall though, your excellent word choice and thematic adherence made up for a lot of this. Great work, and I can't wait to see what else you end up creating!
artyrian
Judge Comment: An interesting take on the assignment! I liked the format and especially liked that it was different from some of the others. The poem-like structure lends the concept of “The Kingdom of the Soul” much more gravity. Some things to note about it though is that there were several grammar mistakes throughout that may have caused some of the messages to become muddled. I say just make sure to look through and potentially read it out loud to catch some of those in the future. The other thing is that the concept of the kingdom was lost by the end and didn't end up coming full circle. I like the theme but I think having a structure where you circle back to that theme would have made this piece much stronger as a whole. But overall I got the concept and liked the unique direction so thanks for your piece!
ZombieGhost
Thank you. I know I rushed the end and forgot to check my grammar. I actually made 5 stories and pick this one since it was more interesting, and poem like. Sorry if I didn't do well, I will train harder next time.