Intrapath 2024-01-01 20:48:18

There was a little awkwardness here and there in the word choice and grammar, but nothing that threw the story way off track. One thing I thought you did really well though was pacing; I thought it ebbed and flowed in a way that made sense for what was going on in the story at any given moment.

The story (and especially its ending) made me think of old folk tales, ones with a specific moral. I wonder what this one's is? It didn't feel like the hunter was being punished for anything, he didn't do anything wrong, he was just doing what he had to in order to survive. If anything, it was tragic that he got away from the wolves only to be frozen by the flower, but there was some bittersweetness in knowing his death meant the end of the long winter. Maybe it's a fable about the way one dies in a brutal environment like the hunter's; better to die by sacrificing one's self for the good of others than for nothing at all?

jamriot 2024-01-12 01:54:00

Thanks for participating! I had a fun time reading this one. My main critique, though, would be that the whole premise of the flower and its significance was sort of lost on me throughout the story. Though the particularly long and harsh winter caused by the wicked flower was a good motivation to lead the hunter into the wilderness, it didn't particularly have any impact on his energy, the thriving of the wolves, or on the environment. Though this is just one of many avenues you could pursue if you choose to polish and expand this story, maybe you could consider having more of the environment and characters/creatures effected by the particularly harsh winter so it's more relevant to the story? Other than that, I appreciated a lot of what you did with building tension in this piece. Thanks again for participating and I hope to see you in future Writer's Jams!