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ZombieGhost
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Luc @ZombieGhost

Age 30, Male

Freelance Artist

Canada

Joined on 11/21/22

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Wicked Flower.

Posted by ZombieGhost - December 22nd, 2023


A legend said..


A wicked flower will appear once in a million years.

In the cold snow of winter only..


That flower will consume the coldness of the air and keep the winter much longer

than any other year..


Vincent was a young man living in the time of that long last winter.

He was hungry, half way to be frozen and he needed food.


That man walk in the forest, away from is village and desperate to kill a deer.

Armed only with his bow and arrows.


Vincent courageously go through the snow storm, knowing he will probably die anyway if he

stay in his cabin.


He walk, and walk far in the deep darkness of the forest.


The only sounds of his footsteps and the wind howling can be heard, and nothing seems to be bright for him

at this moment.


The hunger is painful, the energy of his will to live still keep him awake though.

But he know if he don't find food yet, he won't be alive much longer.


As the sky get darker, and the clouds keep any source of light to be here for him.


Vincent walk now completely in the obscurity, and feel lost.


Then after a moment of pure realisation that he cannot find anything out here.

He decide get back home..


Afraid to die there and alone.


He look up in the sky and see nothing at all. But he can hear the air passing him and feel it.


How much has he walked..? He think.


When his eyes look in front of the path he made with his feet in the snow, Vincent saw two small lights

in the black night.


Among the forest, there was a living creature there..


Waiting.. And starring at him right in the soul.


Vincent didn't think twice and draw his bow quickly.

Ready to defend himself against something he don't see

but as a mere shadow..


Something was evil in those bright yellow eyes..


As the cold made its way in the fur coat of Vincent, he start to feel way weaker than he was.


And more pairs of yellow eyes open in the distance.


Wolves.. He think for himself with no words out.


The young man begin to stretch the cord of his bow with an arrow and shoot.


But the wind run against the projectile and he don't hear anything percuting on the ground..


The eyes in the darkness, look at the direction of where the arrow finaly drop.


But instantly ignore it..


Then they all regroup, and get closer to him..


Vincent hear suddenly something he never wish to hear..


A real howling of a wolf.


And the feeling that was telling him,

was the fact that he was the meat now..


Vincent turn his feet and step in the deep snow as fast as he could.

Frightened by the feeling of pure terror of being tracked down.


He runs with no thoughs in his mind..


No reason was coming in his brain..


As he turn his head to look in his back..


He sees the shadows coming much quicker than he though it would be.


He can hear them running with their mouth open, eager to bite his neck and chew his flesh.. If not, alive.


Then..


As Vincent run in total despair, he feel nothing under his feet now..


He drop in the air, with out a sound..


In just few seconds he realise he was falling in a profond abyss.


Vincent yells and then hit the bottom after few more seconds..

The impact make him lost consciousness.


After that, he wake up from the light of the bright sun..

He stand up. Look around and understand the position he was in now.


Still hungry, but alive. Vincent look the where he falled.

A large pile of snow was there, with an hole imprinted by his body.


No wolves to be afraid of, he walk in the abyss to explore.


The exploration goes for awhile, until he found an opening in the walls.

He get in, crouch to go further in the narrow hole.


Then he comes out of there and see it.


There was a flower in the middle of a pillar of light.

A clear circle of ice was on the ground around that

flower.


Vincent come closer to it.

And as he step on the ice.

He slip and fall on his butt.


Then he get his balance back

and get close to that flower.


As he look at it, he notice the

ice that emanate from it.


He decide to pick it.


Then his hand turn cold,

and turn into ice..


His eyes widen in horror as he sees

himself turning into a complete ice statue..


And he stand there..

Petrified next to the wicked flower..


Vincent was never heard from again.

No one knows what happened from him.


But the winter kept going until now.


Tags:

5

Comments

There was a little awkwardness here and there in the word choice and grammar, but nothing that threw the story way off track. One thing I thought you did really well though was pacing; I thought it ebbed and flowed in a way that made sense for what was going on in the story at any given moment.

The story (and especially its ending) made me think of old folk tales, ones with a specific moral. I wonder what this one's is? It didn't feel like the hunter was being punished for anything, he didn't do anything wrong, he was just doing what he had to in order to survive. If anything, it was tragic that he got away from the wolves only to be frozen by the flower, but there was some bittersweetness in knowing his death meant the end of the long winter. Maybe it's a fable about the way one dies in a brutal environment like the hunter's; better to die by sacrificing one's self for the good of others than for nothing at all?

The tragic thing is that I wanted to have a moral at the end but though I was stretching it too much the narrative. So I to cut corners, I decided to make it sad and unexpected..

But now it feels like it missed the point..

Next time I will figure a more proprer structure and take more time for grammar.

And find a promise that capture more the spirit of what I had in mind.

Thank you for your opinion and insight.
I wish to make more this year.

Thanks for participating! I had a fun time reading this one. My main critique, though, would be that the whole premise of the flower and its significance was sort of lost on me throughout the story. Though the particularly long and harsh winter caused by the wicked flower was a good motivation to lead the hunter into the wilderness, it didn't particularly have any impact on his energy, the thriving of the wolves, or on the environment. Though this is just one of many avenues you could pursue if you choose to polish and expand this story, maybe you could consider having more of the environment and characters/creatures effected by the particularly harsh winter so it's more relevant to the story? Other than that, I appreciated a lot of what you did with building tension in this piece. Thanks again for participating and I hope to see you in future Writer's Jams!

Thank you! I really take your words to heart and while polish this one to be even greater.