I am recently losing my force drive to continue any project.

It's not that I want to quit, but I feel like I need to study or get some work done in short time.

Yet, I feel nothing..

Dunno how to explain this otherwise.

Will updates my projects, get it done eventually..

It's just hard to fix bugs in the game development, write the story and do 90 % of the work yourself..

-Habit of the lonely-

I am lost in the world, where many people are here..

But I go alone.. Living like a shadow, a memory from the past we throw

away in the corner and completely forgot.

Apart from hope, torn in two inside by the habit of being lonely

while nobody come to save me.

I fight to live, but with what purpose?

What is the way to go on like this..

I am a ghost.. Yet I am real.. With a will of my own.

I pretend its normal, that I have no friends and a reason to keep my

fate bright.

I contemplate my life, by closing the door of all the opportunities.

Locking it and sitting in my bed to figure what makes me happy

or sad.

With all that emotions that I piece together like a puzzle..

I try my best to make my life complete again.. Without

some parts that are missing evidentely.

I feel the pain, but yet I hold it in me.

Like a fire that consume me within..

I may be alone.. But I am not gone.

Tomorrow is another day, I must fight my way to stay alive.

Even if I feel tortured in my soul, I know its just temporary.

I must clear my mind, get back to where it all begins and end

the struggle of being out of touch with reality.

And so, I return from my present time.

Restarted my mindset, and felt light.

Understanding I am here for me, at least.

That life is better then being dead..

I am grateful for this existence til my last breath.

-The End-

I got busy for like a good amount of time.

It wasn't planned that way, but I think I will

have to move out.

Also I am healthy and started to work out.

Right now I took some time to figure what I want to implement

in the game. Like the mechanics, puzzles and so on.

Story is complicated to settle with too.

Might take some weeks for me to adjust.

I didn't updated the beta test.. And that's really frustrating.

Anyway, I will do some work on it.

I decided for this project to stay simple and not go on the money seeking path.

Also I will work on the storyboard and make couple of changes that I feel might

be needed. Will put an intro soon in the game and create puzzles.

This will take sometime.

I made a first gofundme.. But it failed.

So I figure this one might be better.

I want to make a gofundme to finance the game project and

pay my team. Sure we all do it for fun and all.

But I think everyone deserve money over this project.

As I noob developer, I think I will have to work on this for 3 months before

officially doing this gofundme.

You see I need to show things for real, not just speculating and then wait for the money.

Its not logical, people need real pictures and videos of my game.

In the future 3 months, if it seem right.

I will do another gofundme and I want to pay my crew for it.

And I will make a video game company, a small one.

So I work on the game and I got to be honest..

I am tired to fix bugs.

I checked so many times what doesn't work and what does that it make me sick of making my game for a while.

Its just not fun, nothing like making "Armed Slime" which was easy, straight to the point

and very fun to make.

I made Armed Slime in 2 days through and through.. This really will take me 7 months.

I had to structure the game, create an intro sequence, make puzzles, make the story tangible

and interesting.. Ahh.. So much work and I have no pleasure in it.

I need to stop and look at what is weak in the project.

Right now the beta test is just nothing like I want, its working.. But it could be better.

Also I think the story with have a new thing or two.. Still working on what will be explored.

Story is set in the 1940s, electricity exist, cars and all that. But I set this in a mansion.

Have to work on that too.

Alright people count on me on this one.

Will post what is fixed, and I hope soon.

Today I decided to relax.

Need my energy to max up in my mind and try to feel better.

Yup, it's almost over.

Hope it was fun!

So I basically keep on jumping to idea to ideas.

I think I see a pattern in my mind, I need to figure out by myself that

to become someone trustworthy. You need to start and finish

your projects.

I used to do this alot in my childhood, so this is basic behavior

to me. Even now I still have this problem and want to make something

else.. It's a little scary.

So I need to settle down and keep my ideas for later.

My main project now is a game with a crew that is willing to finish it.

I don't want to skip that opportunity or let anyone danm.

Got to say I was not ready for this, but hey I am just honest.

I think working for what you love is better than doing something that you

truely hate. And now that I find whar is my problem.

I have to focus on this now, still got 7 months to finish that project.

Will update the game in around 2 or 3 days.

I hope so, still got bugs to fix.