I use TDD for The Detective's Diary. Since the title is a bit long to add it there.

Anyway, here is why I kinda avoided posting on my story for.. 3 or 4 months.

The format of how I used to process the narrative was mainly focused on John

being by himself. But, since I added so many characters and possibilities.

It scared me to a degree I am nervous on what to add or not. That might suit

the theme. Cop thriller was a thing that motivated me back in almost 2 years

ago.

But I feel the story of John W. Colts isn't a full cop thriller. There is so many aspect I loved

in it to put here and there. Since from the start. Minus the clonage part. I remember exactly why I placed this in the story.

And I wish I had though of something else sometimes. Since I rushed this part to move out of the slow pacing it went with.

I was a beginner, and I think it's fine. But it's just annoys me to add such a big sci-fi part in that story. It wasn't planned.

Well, alot of great things came out of unplanned content in the narrative. Even some payoffs.

I think the friends of John are a bit too much young for him. Making him feel like the Logan in the X-Men or etc. The old, seasoned warrior sorta. With kids who barely know a thing. It's how I feel it when I re-read or think about the future of my story.

I want to write again in it, but I added a murder case in between the slice of life that I didn't fully instored. Doing a flash forward was... Okay at best. But with the months I took to rethink my plot and do some side stuff for those last months.

I dunno, I still want to finish this. But I don't want to ruin the whole story by rushing it.

The story is in my mind, just that I'm afraid to put too much that wouldn't make sense.

Not a blockage, more like a will to not fuck up something I took 2 years to achieve so far.

But the idea to never finish my first story pains me more than ruining it though.

So, I will have to do something. Anything to make it amazing.

Flaws are what makes great book real, I think.

Anyway, I ruminated enough for today.

Was constructive to figure myself out.

Cabbage on itself, like eating raw feels just wrong to do so. Why I like to do, is to use water to steam it or to fry it. If I got the patience. I learned alot while going with the monks recently. They eat vegan food and the water is like 97% pure there or maybe higher. Anyway, I got few food ideas while I went on a trip in the mountains and I was in awe at how they do it.

Also beans are so good when it's well seasoned and so on.

Minus the farting part. But regardless, there is room to try new stuff for me in cooking. I love cooking meat and so on. Being a legitimate omnivore myself, I like to eat most food. Beside the junk stuff, like mac and cheese, too much fatty meat and too sweety things like ice cream. Kinda want to make homemade ice cream, but I think doing smoothies would be a much better start to make some sweet treats and all that.

I am focusing on eating fruits if I want some sugar or etc. Of course when I go out with family or friends. I tend to ignore my preference and let people make whatever they want. Like huh, most vegans annoys people and animals even to follow their psychology. Which I don't care much, I think anyone can eat whatever they want.

But I care more and more about cooking and eating pure food. Unprocessed and also a garden is what should be in my home this month. Tried to grow a flower or two. My tomato plant from last year died. But I think I could take few notes on

how doing this more properly.

Anyway, I enjoy food. That's just that for today post.

See ya food lovers~

I got tired to wait until I have the cash and played the piano online.

Fair to say, music that I imagine in my brain is quite good.

Even though, I know nothing anymore in music keys

and reading it soons like an alien ancient scripture but I feel like I can keep up

regardless. It's amazing to just give it a go again.

Plus piano is so emotional and universal to apply it on other instruments.

My old friend, Frank told me like way back in my garage band member phase.

That piano is maybe the greatest start for any musician, because it

helps to know everything from the ground to the very end.

And I totally understand him now, if you are reading this Frank.

Thank you for the memories and I hope you are doing okay

out there.

I also am aiming at horror piano music. Since it's so easy to make.

That's kinda it for now.

PS: Yes, I just put on a Leon S. Kennefy smiling image. Because I can! Look at this chad's smile!

Since I am way too sick to draw or do my usual work.

And I am starting to get bored a little. I will just write

a bit in here. Just saying I didn't planned it and I can

go as random or as precise as I want to.

-Random starting quotes to any books/movies/etc.

"The devil's Playground is the human world, where his game is to make you believe you are doing good or great things.. While you are going one step closer to hell." - The Prophet of Truth

"All hope is based on expectations, not on lies or truths. But only on expectations..

It can make you confident through the end of time.. Or shatters your mind until you

decide to end your misery." - The Deadman's Lament.

"I hoped you would came on the ship, inspiring others along.. But I may have to get rid of you.

Soon enough, people like me wouldn't trust your guts. As you always find a way

to help out my men, making them think more and more against me. You were kind,

but that's a trade off I am ready pay for. Now, walk the plank boy..." - Captain GoldJaw

-Random Plots-

-Amnesic Knight-

A man fall in the abyss, on a pile of skulls. Wondering how he ended here. The only light coming from above. Like a tiny ray that prevent the darkness to enters in completely... That man is Sir Thomas. The last knight of the Reign of the Sun. But, that past is blurry in his memories... Somehow, he feels like something wrong happened in his past. He cannot retell himself how he came here prior to that fall.

Like something obligates him to stop thinking beyond that.

And that's sure is the lesser of his worries. Because there is things in the darkness

that will keep him fighting. Things that wants him dead, and wants to feed on his dead corpse.

As he tirelessly swing his sword through the monsters, and find any glimmer of hopes.

Sir Thomas is in for a walk through hell.

-Ghost Tower-

In every night of Halloween. A Tower appear, waiting. For adventurers to enter it's gate and to swallow their lives. The tower is said to hold treasures worth of centuries of history. But within that belief, something sinister is creeping through that rumor. A woman keep saying that who ever find her lover or her daughter there, they should not kiss him or her. Or else, the gate might close shut.. And their unfortunate soul will be taken away with that Tower.

Since my nephew wanted me at his birthday, I catched a cold with all the kids around and etc.

I seriously would have stayed home instead. But my sister was pushing it and now I got that

cold for like 5+ days. And I never got it for like 7 years... It hitted me like a truck and I hate

my life. Coughing and sneezing forever...

Anyway, my nephew really was happy to see his young uncle. But I regret every second of it

right now.

Since I have free time to just think and write any shit I want, I decided to just write this huh..

Essay sort to speak.

Keep in mind, I am just analysing the idea of Free Will and never think I am right or either wrong

about the whole idea of free will. People's conception of Free Will depends on themselve and only

on people who look at it as a medium of expression of any kind.

(And to note it here, I will correct myself if I see bad typos or the lines are messy after I post.

Because they look fine when I write it but get cut off mid sentence when it's posted somehow.)

Anyway, this post is about to get as philosophical and as deep as it can be..

Free Will to me, is not the idea of being offered choices by society, but rather the idea to rebel about

what society offers you as choices and to make your own path. To choose deliberately to not be

labelled as a division and become your own kind of individual that no one can put their finger into

or judge you doing so.

Of course there is the limits society inflict on the very life of all of mankind.

I know modernity prefers humankind, but fuck the modern ideals. I never

liked how sophisticated these retards in university think they are anyway.

To me, Free Will is also the ability to not abide to the whole ass idea of

society that we need to treat everyone equally as a part of our family

and so on. Japan has this concept in their work ethic and culture.

And to be honest, there is nothing that sounds more abusive than treating

your boss as your parent and being fired after he/she got a better option

to replace you with.

It's subtile but it's there. Every country have one or many rules set in a culture

mindset that will threaten a class of people and the rest is considerated 'better'

or 'higher' by default.

This factor happens not by the Free Will of a individual though, but by a group

of people that associate with each other and go against one type of humans

and usually attempt to make their life like hell.

Then call it a day when the 'problem' is dealt with and pat each others shoulders

as a reward for doing so.

But Free Will is to me, the ability to say fuck you to all that and be yourself.

Not being a victim of this sort of silencing. Because it is quite something that people

never talk about when its happening. But being you and authentic regardless of

those who want to snuff your happiness away without a care for you.

And to take the options that you want and not the ones that some strangers offer

you without a second though on your life.

But also I think knowing there is more possibilities than what the education system

tells us all over that fact. We are humans that evolved through hard and harsh

difficulties. Our ancestors struggled long enough to learn how to build houses

and craft electricity.

Since we are living in comfort and habits that keep us away from harsh and hard

realities in most of our youth (Sometimes not really but still) We lost that 'Free Will'

along the way for false security and a temporary comfort.

Until we are changed by circonstance or by a stress factor.

The human mind change by the reality it will face on, generally speaking.

It's like we are either able to control our life briefly when a bad outcome

is coming or we remain still when nothing is happening and actually love

making no choice while zero stressors occur.

So do we really have Free Will when everything is right with us?

Well, not entirely. Our life is our own, but we cannot control everything.

So Free Will isn't absolute, it is a matter of decision on the present time.

And the level of aletness of that specific person too. Some has a large

amount of time to think and has zero awareness. Or others have high

level of awareness but a very short time in comparision..

Plus, with the current cultures of preserving ignorance in our society.

It is kinda hard to imagine how we become so slow compared to just

20 years. It's like modernity removed our survival instincts in retrospect.

But, I am way behind the analyse of what is still possible or not in the future.

So far even with the atomic bombs and the wars that could occur.

We humans decide to remain peaceful on the long run, yes we somewhat

become stupider and stupider in alot of other things. But a slow death in

the mind is better than a quick death in reality.. I guess.

To imagine the term Brain Rot was used way back in the 1854 and returned

in 2020s while the covid happened is quite something.

Which means, if people become less and less smart. Free will is going to get lost

along the way. Its a 1 + 1 equation. If a large amount of people stop thinking enough.

Our civilization will be based more on pretends than not to stay and remain civilized.

Yet, is being civilized is a true sense of free will? Or is going wild also a sense of free will.

Well, of course both are NOT the answer. Since going wild in civilization might get your

ability to use your own Free Will taken away from you. And become a prisoner of your

own choice you did.

But the former, staying in a perpetual holded still life, without errors or mistakes accordingly

to achieve a perfect civilized life source artificial to me.. It's like thinking as a robot and never

accepting the raw part of life.

No one is so perfect as the books said. We are all lying to ourselve, and we do believe it more

then too often. Yet we do believe there is a higher person out there, who got all things sorted

out and we should do exactly that too... So, yet again we remove that Free Will to achieve

this goal that is set within ourself.

Only time is real, actually Free Will is connected directly to the concept of time. Because yes,

we make time to adjust ourselves to what we can understand. Even the concept of time isn't

too so exact. The science nerds can waste their time to find the correct exactitude of my answer.

But anyway, I am just babbling stuff out of my mind instead of thinking about it.

Now I will just work on stuff I left behind a little while ago.

First.

An electric guitar. A decent PC. drawing tablet. Maybe a bass too and I might check for a decent

music editing program and etc. I keep having those music themes that never existed inside

my mind. I wish I had a place to play drum in here, but I guess I will set it to digital for now..

Even though organic drum is the best drum period.

Also buying an animation program and start leaning to animations over and over.

Might post my first decent one animation when I feel it thats worth like a 3 stars or 4.

Or maybe not.

Might get a new bike since my last one break in two... And other essencials.

My new job is better, no snubby shit like the spa or anything. Dudes in a garage

are more camaradery like anyway.

My boss is very great too, she is very clear in her teaching when I need to learn something.

Life's going smooth.

I will and always will be loving NFS Most Wanted from 2005.

That game was a product of its time. Cutscenes are fun bad.

But the rest is just it for me.

Police chases are just too good to be waved as just pointless gameplay.

Anyway, that's what a 30+ years old has to say about the old times.

Just wishing you all a great mother's day!

I hugged my mom and my sister. Since she is a mom

since like three years now.

Being with family is always nice, I tell some jokes too

and my mom told me I'm so dumb. lol

But joke aside, it was heartwarming to be together.

Eric Barone is like the guy I want to become, but by my own work.

I do not want to be a copycat of him, but just someone who can

rely on himself completely on success and failures.

He really motivates me to keep up even in the face of difficulties.

And I don't have a programming background like him.

But I have so many ideas to put in reality.

I just can't stay irrelevant forever.

Just my two thoughs about it.

Plus watch the interview, he is really honest about his work!